Dipper Plays Call of Duty
by What'dYouExpect
Summary: Dipper and Mabel get early presents for their birthday. What happen's when a game goes haywire? One-Shot. Rated T (For a reason guys. Seriously, if you're not 13 or a mature enough 11 or 12 year old, why are you reading my stories?)


Dipper sat down in the living room with an unopened cardboard box that was duct taped all over. The delivery man had just brought his birthday present from his parents. Dipper found a knife and stabbed the box. Sliding the knife across the top, the tape was cut and the top of the box now had a slim slit where Dipper put his fingers and began prying at the box. The tape on the side crinkled as Dipper pulled back the top to the point where the tape snapped. Dipper pulled out another box, this one had a bow on it and was from his parents.

Dipper pulled the card off the top. It had a dog on the front of it blowing out candles on a small cake. He opened the card and read it aloud. "Dear Dipper, happy Birthday Son! We miss you very much and we're hoping that you're having a great time at Grunkle Stan's! We can't wait to see you! Love, Mom and Dad. XOXOXO." Dipper looked at the lack of cash in the card. "This better be one damn good present." He said as he carefully took off the blue bow. Dipper closed his eyes and lifted the top off the red box.

Dipper reached his hand inside the box and felt around. It was cold, some sort of hardened plastic. Dipper opened his eyes and saw that he was touching the new gaming console that had come out just two weeks ago. Dipper pulled the PCube out of the box and hugged it. Mabel walked in with her present, it was a kitten. "Dipper!" She shouted. "Mom and Dad got me a kitten!" Mabel snuggled the kitten with her face. "Although, it seems to be sleeping a lot. It must be tired from the trip." Mabel smiled as she petted its head. She had failed to notice that the box didn't have air holes in it. The cat was dead, it had suffocated in the first five minutes of the trip to Oregon from Piedmont.

Mabel set the cat on the couch and sat down next to Dipper. The cat laid on the yellow sofa in the most awkward position possible. It made it more obvious that it was dead. "What'd you get?" She asked.

Dipper looked in the box, it still had something in it. Dipper pulled out a small rectangular prism that was wrapped in white wrapping paper that had cupcakes all over it. Dipper knew exactly what it was. He quickly clawed and scratched at the paper, tearing it to shreds and in the process proving himself right. It was the new Call of Duty game for PCube. Call of Duty: Future Warfare 8.

"I got the PCube and CoD FW8!" Dipper yelled happily as he showed his sister the dark green console and the cover of the game case. There was a wide smile on Dipper's face as he showed the items to Mabel.

Dipper ran up to the television, he was about to turn it on when Grunkle Stan came into the room and stopped him. "Not so fast bucko. The television is mine right now. The new episode of Cockroach Cleanup is on!" Stan sat down next to the lifeless cat on the couch and flicked the television on with the remote. He raised the volume and looked over at Mabel, who had grabbed her cat before Stan could sit on it. Stan looked at the cat, noticing that something wasn't right with it. "So what's the cat's name?" He asked Mabel as the television blared a commercial.

"Daisies." Mabel said as she petted the cat's head as it provided zero resistance.

"Ha! More like pushing up daisies!" Stan laughed at his little joke. "Take the thing outside, I don't need flies or maggots in the Shack. I already have enough thanks to the piece of cake Soos got stuck underneath the vending machine last week." Stan said as he scolded Mabel before turning to Dipper. "You can use the T.V. in the guest room." Stan said before taking a bite out of a sandwich he had put on the counter next to him earlier.

Mabel turned her head away from Stan and walked out of the room behind Dipper with Daisies in her arm.

"How stupid can those kids be?" He said to himself after they left, shaking his head as Cockroach Cleanup began.

The television blared. "This week on Cockroach Cleanup we head to a small shack up in Gravity Falls, Oregon." The television showed a picture of the Mystery Shack before going back to the handsome blonde haired, blue-eyed host. "Let's go inside, shall we." The host motioned the camera crew forward as he opened the door to the gift shop. The camera moved from left to right, showing the world the gift shop. They walked forward into the living room as a cockroach fell from the ceiling in front of Stan and onto the ground. "There's our first cockroach!" The host said as he walked in front of Stan and picked it up.

Stan began talking to himself. "Wow, this is so life-like, it's like they're actually here." Stan called out to Soos. "Soos, if you ordered the 3-D channels and aren't paying for it, I'm going to kill you!"

Dipper walked up to the guest room which was the room that formerly had the proton carpet in it. Dipper walked up to the television and began plugging in his cables to the television. Mabel walked in and shut the door behind her and placed the cat on the couch near the television. Dipper finished plugging in the last cable and turned on the system. "I'm so excited!" Dipper said as he placed the disc inside the console. "Do you want to play too?" Dipper asked his sister as he plugged in another controller.

"I don't really like shooting games... but ok!" Mabel said joyfully as she sat down next to her brother and grabbed the second controller. Dipper started up the game. He was really good at games like Call of Duty since he was natural at problem solving and had great reflexes. Dipper wasn't an aggressive player, but was more passive and took his time moving around the battle field. Dipper had a 3.43 Kill Death Ratio in the last Call of Duty Game. Mabel, on the other hand was a crazy bitch when it came to this game. She always gave herself a sniper and a machine pistol and would go around quick-scoping, tomahawking and stabbing people. While she rushed a lot she did like to piss people off by camping in corners with an RPG and C-4 at times. She was a classic troll; and while she usually would end up with a lot of deaths, she also managed to get a lot of kills. She had a Kill Death Ratio of around 1.39.

The main menu appeared and Dipper stared in amazement at the details and the graphics of the game. He selected the multiplayer tab and waited for it to load. "This is going to be amazing. I can already tell! New score-streaks, new weapons, improved graphics and game engine. God I'm in heaven." The multiplayer tab loaded and the twins created their classes and selected their score-streaks.

Dipper created his usual class; he selected the classic AK-47 and added on a grenade launcher attachment. For his secondary, Dipper selected a shotgun after he used a perk that allowed him to take two primary weapon. He selected the Remington Model 783 with a long barrel attachment, so he could shoot targets at a longer range. Dipper gave himself a new type of grenade that allowed him to set a timer on it (up to ten seconds) and throw it, and he selected a fire grenade that would explode on impact and cause a flaming circle of damage that stunned and injured his opponents. As for his perks, Dipper's first of three perks allowed him to not be detected by enemy Spy Planes, it was the classic ghost perk. His second perk allowed him to replenish his ammunition for his guns and grenades, it was the classic scavenger perk. His final perk was a new one that caught his eye, it caused him to not only flinch less when shot, but also throw grenades and other equipment up to two times as far.

Now it was time for Mabel to create her class. Dipper watched annoyed as she made her usual troll so hard class. First, Mabel selected a sniper rife called the EXACTO, it was a bolt action rifle with great damage. Mabel added Ballistics CPU on it to help her with her quick-scoping since it reduced the sway the game gave the weapon. For her secondary Mabel decided to go with Ballistic Knifes, which could be shot at other players and were useful with stabbing since they had increased capabilities in that niche compared to a regular tactical knife. Mabel gave herself two tomahawks and a C-4 explosive. As for her perks, Mabel selected one that would let her run a longer distance and climb objects faster, this was called Super Conditioning. Her second perk was also the same Ghost perk dipper had chosen, and her third perk gave her increased protection against explosions.

Dipper selected the score-streaks page so that they could choose their rewards for when they reached a certain number of points without dying. Dipper selected one mid-range and two higher score-streaks. Dipper's first choice was the care package, which would give him a random kill-streak in the form of a falling box (Dipper loved the surprise behind the kill-streak.) This would take him five kills to get. His next choice was the VSAT, it would displace where all of the enemy team was and the directions in which they faced. This would take Dipper nine kills to get. Dipper's final kill-streak was his favorite... Jugguard Dogs. This gave Dipper an invincible suit in which he could take a shit load of damage without being hurt for forty-five seconds. But that wasn't all; it gave Dipper German Shepards that would run around him and go after any nearby player or a player that shot at Dipper. This massive and game changing kill-streak would take twenty-one kills in a row.

As for Mabel, she chose kill streaks that would troll the other players. Her first choice, was what she called the paper airplane. As soon as Mabel reached three kills, she would be able to throw a small exploding plane that would lock onto a target and detonate on impact. Her next choice was a kill-streak that would take her eight kills in a row to earn. It was called the Roto-Chopper and it allowed Mabel to pilot a small quadrocopter around the map and shoot her target with a machine gun or rocket missiles. Her last kill-streak was a doozy and it took sixteen kills to earn. This unique kill-streak allowed Mabel to deploy a biological weapon of mass destruction on the other team. She would be able to pinpoint a place on the map to have a disease come and infect the players in that area. Then, if those players came in contact with team members, or if anyone walked into that zone, they would die after ten seconds of coming into contact with the disease. The fun part was, she got to do it three separate times.

Dipper went to the game modes section and looked at the usual choices. Domination, Team Deathmatch, Dog Tag Grab and Capture the Flag were the first ones on the list. It wasn't until Dipper was halfway down the list that he found a brand new and intriguing game mode. Dipper read the description aloud to himself and Mabel. "Real life: In this epic team deathmatch style of play, each team will have fifty members. The catch? You only get one life, so use it wisely." Dipper looked at Mabel and smiled. "We're definitely playing this." Dipper pressed the blue x on his controller and waited for the lobby to fill up, and it did so rather quickly.

Dipper reached in his box and pulled out the new gaming microphone his parents had bought him. He placed it in his ear and turned it on. He could hear some kids yelling at each other over something stupid. "Dude, you suck. You're just a dumb camper. Why don't you one v one me, or are you a pussy?" The kid had to be no older than fifteen.

The one who responded sounded much older, most likely in his thirties. "How did you even get this game kid, did you need your mommy to buy it for ya? Now shut up before I go to your house and burn it down with you inside."

That shut the younger kid up, until someone joined the lobby and was blasting a boy band over his headset. "Shut that shit off."

Dipper had enough and muted the kid and the person playing music. The older guy called out Dipper's username. "Hey BigDipper618!" He said.

"Sup, man." Dipper responded, trying to act cool.

"Looks like I'll finally have some competition in this game. Check out my KD." Dipper went to the guys username, UStoopidN00B69, and clicked his player card. Of course this guy's emblem was some girl getting it on with a guy. Dipper looked at the guys KD. His ratio from FW7 was a 3.98 and in this game it was a 5.62.

"Wow, you're pretty good dude." Dipper said, smiling and hoping that he'd be on his team.

The guy responded back nicely. "Don't sell yourself short kid, you're pretty good yourself. A 3.43 is no easy feat in FW7. Unlike that dumb fucking teenager complaining about me camping when he only has a 0.78 KD. Freaking morons." The guy was shaking his head at the T.V.

"Hopefully you're on my team. I'd love to destroy these guys with ya. That, and you probably wouldn't want to face my sister." Dipper said, looking at Mabel as she grinned stupidly.

"Which one is your sister?" The guy asked.

"RainbowPuppySparkle." Dipper said, trying not to laugh at the ridiculous name.

"I never would have guessed." The guy said sarcastically before letting out a jolly laugh. He looked at Mabel's KD. "She's alright, slightly above par KD, but nothing I can't handle."

"Look at how she got her kills in FW7." Dipper told him as he waited for an outburst.

"Oh shit. Her most kills were from a god damn RPG? Is she one of those players?" The guy put an emphasis on those.

Dipper turned to Mabel. "Yep." He said as he cracked his knuckles. The lobby was full and the game was splitting up the teams. Dipper was placed on the guy's team. "It looks like we'll be kicking ass together, eh?" Dipper said to the guy.

But of course someone left the lobby, causing the teams to be switched up. Dipper was no longer on the same team with the new friend he might have made. "Spoke too soon kid. Prepare for death." He said as he laughed.

Someone else joined and the teams switched again, they were back on the same team. Dipper, Mabel and UStoopidN00B69 would dominate this game. "Well, I guess I spoke too soon." The guy said as the map started to load.

All of a sudden, Dipper and Mabel felt their controllers shock them. "Ow." They said simultaneously as they dropped the controllers to the ground. They looked at each other and then at the television. There was a weird swirl on the T.V. It was distorting the picture, but it seemed to jump out at them at the same time. "What the..." Dipper said, before he was sucked into the game along with Mabel.

* * *

Dipper looked at the world around him. It seemed so life like, yet it was a video game. He looked down at himself. He was wearing what the other players were wearing, an army uniform. Then he turned to Mabel, her hair had been cut and she had a deeper voice. She had been transformed into a guy. "Why am I guy?" She yelled with her new manly voice. Dipper nearly burst out laughing.

A guys voice from above echoed into their ears. "Silly child, there are no girl characters in Call of Duty. This is a man's game!"

Dipper and Mabel tried to move, but they were stuck in place. All of a sudden, the weapons they had chosen appeared into their arms. The gun felt weightless to each of them. Dipper examined the map before the match started. In front of him and down some stairs were a yellow field goal and a gigantic plane that had crashed onto the field and broken into a few big pieces. To his right was where the concessions were, and to his left, the press boxes.

Dipper and Mabel looked forward as large white letters appeared in front of them. They could hear the guys voice from above. "The match begin in 3... 2... 1... Shoot to kill boys."

Dipper watched as all of the players ran forward leaving him and Mabel behind. Dipper walked up to Mabel. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to have some fun!" Mabel shouted as she ran forward in her new body with her sniper rifle.

Dipper shook his head as he went over to the press box and laid down behind a desk. Dipper heard gunfire from the next room. he was scared shitless, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. Dipper had shit himself. He stood up uncomfortably and switched to his shotgun as he remained behind the desk. Dipper watched in shock as one of his teammates skipped by. He was lagging. The teammate ran up to the door and knifed. Dipper watched as the lagging teammate turned around and ran back before switching his attention to the doorway. An enemy walked to the doorway and then immediately grabbed his neck as he fell to the ground. Dipper raised his brow. "Talk about lag." He said.

Dipper could hear his new friend's booming voice from above. "No kidding. Hey, I need some help over by the concessions, care to join?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way." Dipper said as he ran uncomfortably to the concession area, the shit was now running down his leg. It was wet and slimy as it touched his video game skin.

Meanwhile, Mabel was in the middle of the map quick-scoping like a mother fucker. She aimed down her sights quickly before shooting and pulling the gun back. Her, well I guess, his, enemy fell flat on his face. "Boom. Headshot!" Mabel screeched. She turned around and switched to her ballistic knifes as she stabbed someone in the throat. Blood splattered on her face. "That's disgusting she said, but she didn't mind it that much. It was only a video game after all, even if it did taste like real blood.

Mabel ran up the stadium steps past the field goal and towards the concession stand. She watched as a teammate fired on three round pistol burst into an enemy at mid-range, killing them instantly, even though the enemy had shot four assault rifle bullets into her teammate. Mabel turned around quickly and threw her paper airplane. She was at seven kills in a row, compared to Dipper's one. The paper airplane went towards the middle of the map and exploded, killing two enemies. "Boosh!" Mabel shouted as she ran with her new athletic body into the concession area, where Dipper and their new friend were. "This game is great!" Mabel said to Dipper as she laid down behind him and switched back to her sniper.

Dipper shot with his AK-47 and killed someone before reloading. "Glad you think so." He said terrified.

"Quit being such a baby!" Mabel said, turning around and no-scoping someone who had just entered the area behind them. "Cover me." Mabel said as she sat int he corner and began piloting her second kill-streak, the Roto-Chopper.

Dipper ignored her request and shot using his grenade launcher. He got four kills with that blast. "Atta boy Big Dip!" The friendly voice said from above. However, that friendly voice became angry as he was shot through a wall. "What the..." His voice was cut off.

Dipper switched back to his shotgun and sprayed the killer as he entered the room before quickly ducking back down. Dipper had his care package, but it wasn't safe to use it. Mabel finished using her kill-streak and began running forward. "Mabel, I need cover, I have my care package." He shouted.

But it was too late. As soon as Mabel entered the doorway, her head was blown clean off, as her brain splattered everywhere onto the walls around Dipper. There were two kids left on Dipper's team, compared to the nine enemy players. Dipper got up and quickly ran out of the concession stand area. He was on his way to the press boxes when he was shot in the leg three times and then in the back. Dipper fell to the ground and laid there motionless.

The killer ran up to Dipper and began humping Dipper's body in disrespect. Then, the enemy laid down inside of Dipper's body, because the game couldn't register the player on top of Dipper. He began shooting. Blood flew everywhere and leaked from Dipper's insides as the enemy showed no mercy and continued shooting. The other players on the team joined in and began shooting Dipper as well. One of the bullets hit Dipper in the head and caused his head to explode. His Pine Tree hat went flying into the hair and outside of the map. The kids began knifing at Dipper's limbs and sawed them off, stab after stab.

Then, they lined up to hump the torn up corpse again. Dipper had no head, his limbs were severed as the concrete around the body was stained red. Even his intestines appeared to be coming out of his back. As they lined up, Dipper's teammate came back from the bathroom and began playing, he immediately walked out of the spawn and turned to his right firing a single sniper rifle shot through all nine enemy's head. They exploded almost simultaneously as they fell to the ground on top of one another's ass cheeks.

The game was over.

Stan walked into the room and noticed Mabel and Dipper weren't there. "Hmm... I guess I'll give this game a shot. Until they come back." Stan looked around suspiciously before walking up to Dipper's controller. Stan logged out of Dipper's account and created his own. "I don't even know what I'm doing." He said as he pressed random buttons. Somehow, he managed to join another Real life game lobby. Stan picked up the headset and put it on. "What the hell is this crap?" He said over the microphone.

Another man responded back to him, in a not so polite, yet oh so true manner. "Your death."


End file.
